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assbutt-in-the-garrison:

penceyprepofficial:

when I was like 9 my neighbors asked me to watch their fish and cat while they went on vacation and I was like “lol k” and while they were gone tHE FUCKING FISH DIED so when they got home I apologized to the mom and she was just like “no need to apologize, I turned the filter off so they would die because they are too much work. You did nothing wrong” and she gave me 20 bucks and that is the story of my first contracted murder

your first…?

archangel-of-pizza:

durch-artist:

obsessioniskey:

Don’t you fucking judge me.

BEST WITH HEADPHONES

THIS IS SO FUCKING GOOD! i could listen to this all day!

Sherlock: The Musical

19 minutes ago142,935 plays

nixpunk:

i’m not like other girls. actually, i’m nothing like other girls. and that girl u saw get on the bus earlier isn’t like other girls either. it’s surprising, really. it’s almost as if everybody is different from each other. holy shit

theductiletroll:

jeanmarcoing:

songs in a different language you like and then you look up the lyrics and it’s actually some fucked up shit

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burgerkid:

could you please hold this for a second *hands you my problems and runs away*

fruitasticharlotte:

In case no one told you today: you are a marvellous piece of the universe and this planet needs you on it.

ray-winters-sings:

margorothspiegelmanthegreat:

ray-winters-sings:

You never know how much they say “Wildcats” in High School Musical til you have to drink everytime they do.

I’m reblogging this not because they say Wildcats a lot but because we’re acting on the assumption that people who are old enough to drink sit around playing drinking games to HSM and that’s beautiful. 

Currently

angrybagel:

angrybagel:

“NO HOMO” i scream at my dog Homo as he shits on the carpet 

i made this up for notes i dont even have a dog 

lesbeeanmovie:

greencarnations:

cinematicsymphony:

This is so accurate. At school, we literally have children who will watch our facial expressions to see if them falling is as bad as they think it might be.

CORRECT CHILD INJURY PROCEDURE:

  • do not react. at the most, maybe wince and go “ooooh”
  • go over to the child to assess panic level and severity of injury
  • if they’re like, dying, remain calm, but they’re probably not.
  • look them in the eye and ask, “you okay?” they will nod. possibly all teary-eyed. then ask, “are we gonna need to cut it off?”
  • the child is thrown off. if they giggle, you’re in the money. if they do not, put a bandaid on and do some sympathetic patting. they are probably a little teary. let the sad little bug sit out for a minute. they will quickly get bored.
  • works every time

"sad little bug" is the cutest and most accurate term ive heard used to describe a child because sometimes bugs are kinda super cute sometimes bugs are really fucking annoying and sometimes bugs are downright TERRIFYING

sebastian-stand:

dioburandou:

zolro:

I love it when Google Chrome screws up and they’re like “Fuck it here’s a tiny dinosaur pixel”

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NOOO WHY DOES NO ONE GET IT REMEMBER THE SCENE IN ‘MEET THE ROBINSONS’?

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GOOGLE CHROME SHOWS THAT LITTLE DINOSAUR PIXEL BECAUSE THEY CAN’T REACH THE WEBPAGE